A bit about me and depression

July 21, 2009
Some friends suggested that I start a blog as another way of dealing with my depression.
So - why not?
What is the purpose of my blog - there should be a reason, right?
I think that a lot of people dealing with a major depressive disorder should be able to discuss what they are going through with others in the same situation. So, Goal # 1 - Share the experience and discuss issues.
Mental illness doesn't have the same stigma attached to it as it has had in the past. But the stigma still exists. Goal # 2 then is to contribute to weakening that damn stigma.
Goal # 3 has to be education. A lot of people don't understand what depression is. Hopefully, people will start to read this blog and recommend it to relatives and friends in the hope that they will gain some insight into the disorder.

To get the ball rolling, I am 57 years old. Already. Although I was diagnosed with depression in 1996, for years and years I hid my true emotions from myself and others through a variety of distractions.
Humor is my favorite distraction. I developed a quick wit at an early age and enjoyed the attention - well into my current, life humor is a great escape for me.
Humor is likely the only healthy camouflage I had in my repertoire.

Self-sabotage was my most used method to escape the reality of the way I felt about myself.
My 20s 30s and 40s were wrought with too much alcohol, tobacco (legal hehehe), I developed a gambling addiction, had several failed relationships and never ever controlled my expenses.

Now I realize that I was doing whatever it would take to feel good about myself.
I drank way too much in my 20s 30s and 40s. When that didn't do it for me, I developed a gambling addiction. Spending money was another destructive way for me to feel better about myself. So, I was always broke.

Now at the age of 57 and on disability from my job I am working very hard at getting better. I attend GA meetings, I see my Psychologist every week, my shrink every month and attend special courses for the depressed.
I still don't like going out much, can't bring myself to go to parties and family gatherings but I do go out more these days. I am getting better. I hope you are too.

I hope others think this blog is a good idea. I am very optimistic.